Balloon God

So did you hear about the Priest in South America that tied hundreds of helium balloons to himself and he floated so high into the sky that they couldn’t find him?  His plan was to tie a couple hundred balloons to him and to break the world record for distance traveled by helium inflated balloons.  He thought this would raise awareness of his church and the good work they are doing.  A couple of days have gone by and they can’t find him anywhere, even though he had a cell phone and GPS unit in his possession. 

I would have loved to been there when he realized this was a bad idea.  It didn’t occur to him that it was a bad idea during the planning stages, the thought of him crashing to his death did not come to mind when he was having hundreds of balloons tied to him, he left the ground soaring into the sky with his thumbs up and a smile on his face.  At some point, something really went awry, he ended up taking off so fast that people were unable to keep up with him.  Then he called from his cell phone a couple hours later and he was way off track and a lot further than he had planned (in addition, the winds carried him in the wrong direction…over the ocean).  It is estimated that he went 16,000 feet into the sky.  I bet he still wasn’t concerned, he’s probably thinking, they’re balloons, big beautiful brightly colored balloons, this is the happiest day of my life. 

What happened next is anybody’s guess, maybe lightning zapped his balloons, maybe some of the balloons were poorly tied, maybe the strength of the wind ripped the balloons off the strings that held them.  But at some point, he must have been scared for his life.  Since he was a priest, I bet he tried to make serious conversation with God.  Like, “Dear God, I am 16,000′ in the air and my brightly colored balloons are malfunctioning and I could really use your help in landing my lawn chair.” 

I wonder what God thinks about this or if he answered back.  Search parties are being called off, so I hope somebody is listening. 

13 thoughts on “Balloon God

  1. This is, by far, my favorite blog entry ever. And the fact that he was a priest is priceless. I think that after I reached the 10,000 foot marker and was still rising with nothing but lighter air in my future, I might start thinking about popping a couple hundred balloons within arms reach. That’s when I’d yell out, “Alright! That’s enough awareness!”


  2. i did hear on the news though that he was an experienced sky diver and had a parachute so lets hope that he was able to save him self and he is ok!


  3. he probably flew over an elementary school and popped some balloons so he could go molest some little boys. priest sicko. they’ll probably find him in the bathroom. or maybe he got some of that bad helium from the 99 cent store. i think that happened at woodstock.sounds like maybe he watched mary poppins too many times. he should have tried using hundreds of magic umbrellas and singing “a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down”perhaps he flew into outer space? it’s probably cheaper than taking a rocket ship.imagine if he went so high into the clouds that an airplane came plowing through him turning him into a pile of butt dust. remember drawing on a flacid balloon and then blowing it up and seeing your drawing stretch out? that was sweet when we were little. i wonder if he made any drawings. i would have. i actually thought something like this would happen when i jumped off the high dive at fanny chapman with an umbrella. i did not float away as planned. i did though land in the deep end. luckily dave saved me from drowning. i’m glad i picked him in my death pool last week. flying with balloons? the guy was a lock. i’m glad it wasn’t eric the midget up there. way to go out with a bang though. i mean the guy was a priest, what was the most exciting moment in his life, taking communion for the first time? listening to hail mary by 2Pac at the youth group dance? its probably a magic trick, david copperfield was the best at this stuff. he once made the statue of liberty disappear on tv. it was an hour long special. i made the statue of liberty disappear in about 1 minute when i turned the channel. lets get matt wood to try this stunt after the double header on sunday. i bet he pops the balloons as he flies over double visions. (yeah, i know its closed on sundays)


  4. I don’t think you are giving this priest enough credit. He is a priest, acutely aware of mortality and the importance of finding peace on this Earth and peace with God. He took a huge leap of faith and for all we know, he may never fall.


  5. If we attached the priest to a softball and I hit it he would be carried from here to across the Mississippi. I tried it with Greg once.


  6. I hate it when other people sign in as me and type as if I was saying something. I’m boycotting this website for 1 month.


  7. Wow! not only is one person impersonating me, now there’s 2. Matt Wood and the real Matt Wood. Well this deserves a 2 month boycot! See you June 29th, ‘mo’s.


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