The Abortion of Cool

This weekend we had a bachelor party.  My friend Jay is getting married in a month, so we decided this was a great weekend for celebrating the conclusion of his single life.  We wanted the party to be enjoyable, but rated PG-13, he just wanted a nice day out with the gang. 

At 8AM, we met on the golf course to shoot 18 holes of golf.  I am not a golfer, but I had a very nice romantic idea of golf, a beautiful day spent walking with friends through the woods while we hit golf balls and caught up on life.  The reality of golf is that the tranquility is quickly replaced with profanity, thrown golf clubs, the occasional collision of golf carts, and “FORE!!!” being yelled in your direction, prompting you to dive behind a tree taking cover from errant golf balls.  I also had no idea that golf takes forever, did you know it takes 4-5 hours to play 18 holes?  It was sweltering hot, you could be sweating in the shade.  I managed to hit a good shot here and there, but never managed to string two good shots together.  Eventually, I gave up hopes of putting up a Tiger Woods caliber performance and was satisfied with just whacking the golf ball up and down the course.  I concluded that I am a fishermen and not a golfer, some people was to play the finest of golf courses, my dream has always been to be fishing the tranquil flats in the Florida Keys, sight fishing for Tarpon, Hammerheads, and Bonefish.

6 hours later, we left the golf course to get cleaned up and prepare for our departure to Philadelphia.  Our first stop in Philadelphia was Fogo De Chao.  Here’s a brief description of the place, it’s a huge restaurant with impeccable style.  Once you’re seated you’re invited to sample the salad bar, it’s complete with all types of salads, cheeses, and a variety of vegetables.  I recommend getting something green into your system, you’ll need it with all the meat you’re about to eat.  Once you’re finished your salad, just flip over a little card from the red side to the green side.  As soon as you flip the card, waiters wielding giant slabs of meat come over to your table and carve off chunks right onto your plate.  They are relentless, they will keep coming until you have ate a week’s worth of food in 30 minutes.  Here’s a tip, pace yourself.  If you miss the Filet Mignon wrapped in bacon, don’t worry, it will be back 5 or 10 minutes later.  There’s about 15 types of meat that come around and you’ll have an opportunity to sample each 2 or 3 times.  Take your time and enjoy yourself.  It is an experience not to be missed.  If your date isn’t carnivorous, don’t take her here, it’s about $50 for each person for dinner and if your date doesn’t like meat, she will be out of luck.

Dinner ended around 9:30PM, we had reservations for Denim Lounge for Bottle Service.  Here’s a big tip about Denim and probably any night club in Philadelphia, don’t show up at 9:30PM.  We sat around for about an hour and a half until there was at least other people in there.  In fact, it was probably most crowded around 2:30AM.  The gang just sat comfortably around our table, nursing bottles of rum and vodka, while watching cooler people seeing and being seen.  I am pretty sure that no one in our group even talked to anyone else in the bar, it was like sitting on a couch and watching a night club on a hi-def TV. 

The evening concluded with some SoHo Pizza, which is my all-time favorite late night pizza spot. 

8AM Sunday morning, we all woke up and headed to the softball field.  We gave it a valiant effort, but 7 of our players were sleep deprived and severely hung over, it wasn’t meant to be, we lost 8-3 to a team with less players on the field. 


2 thoughts on “The Abortion of Cool

  1. Forget the 50 bucks. If your date doesn’t like meat, then you shouldn’t be paying to take her anywhere. wink winkBoo YaY!


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