When I think about death and the logistics of it all, it comes close to shutting my system down.  It’s just hard to imagine that I will someday die and the world will go on without me.  I know that sounds egotistical, maybe worse, but I only know this world through my own eyes, so someday, many years from now when the time comes for me to expire, it will be so very strange.  


I like to think of the possibilities:


Option 1.  Maybe after my last dying breath, I will just stop, no more thoughts, no more memories, just a little bubble of hope, hoping that I did enough, gave enough, and was true enough to give the people still alive a life that was as good as mine, if not better.  My body returns to this earth and the circle of life continues. 


Option 2.  I go up this long crazy tunnel towards some light and a panel is waiting for me.  The panel explains that they want to evaluate me to decide if I should go to heaven or hell.  I like to think of the panel being made up of Dave Thomas from Wendy’s, Dr. Luther King Jr., and Amelia Earhart (they would be set up like the judges from American Idol).  I would take a seat and watch a film of pivotal moments in my life, good deeds, bad decisions, being hurtful, being helpful, and then the judges would make their decision.  They each give their vote and hopefully I’m headed to Heaven. 


Heaven is supposed to be a pretty cool place.  I imagine it being filled with awesome stuff that would make me happy.  I know Buster, my old dog will be there.  I will have a movie cinema all to myself where I can play Xbox 360 games on the big screen, and maybe some Oompa Lumpa people can bring me pizza and Iced Tea whenever I wanted it.  I would want to check up on the people who were still living, there would have to be some technical specialist up there who could help me out with this, it would probably be some Google type of device where I could punch in someone’s name and peer down on them.  I would imagine that there has to be some type of surveillance etiquette, like no watching a person go to the bathroom or take a shower.  There’s probably a bunch of rules in heaven, or maybe everything is just so free and happy that you don’t need rules, maybe bowel movements are beautiful and something to be celebrated in heaven.  I would definitely check up on friends and family, I’d probably watch the Phillies and Eagles, and eat a lot of pizza, basically what I do now…with Oompa Lumpas. 

3 thoughts on “Heaven

  1. Thanks Hot Kelly. Whenever you post, my wife asks me, “Who is Hot Kelly?” I tell her I have no idea and she looks at me like “yeah right”. For all the folks wondering about who you are, can you tell me where I might know you from?


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