Horrible Plane Experience

As I boarded my plane for Phoenix this morning, I waited in my aisle seat to see who would fill the vacant middle seat to my right.  After a series of undesirable candidates walked by (the Penn State Men’s Volleyball Team), a young 17 year old blond girl approached me and told me she was in the middle seat.  What a relief, a nice skinny girl with a teddy bear will be sitting next to me, this flight will be a piece of cake, until she said:

Teddy Bear Girl:  You need to trade seats with my mom.
Me:  Uhhhh, where’s your mom sitting?
Teddy Bear Girl:  Up in row 11.
Me:  Is that her in the middle seat?  I really do not want to sit in a middle seat, it is really uncomfortable, especially being a bigger guy. 
Teddy Bear Girl:  If you don’t trade seats, I’ll puke on you.
Me:  What are you talking about?
Teddy Bear Girl:  I’m horribly sick and will be throwing up the entire flight, I really want my mom to sit next to me. 
Me:  I’m sorry, but if you’re mom moves back here then I’ll be sitting with three guys and we’ll all be very uncomfortable.  I really think I am going to stay here.
Flight Attendant:  I’m sorry you two, you need to sit down, the flight is sold out and we need to take off.

I didn’t budge, I stayed in my aisle seat next to the sick girl with the teddy bear.  She threw up about 12 times on the plane, she went through several trash bags of vomit.  When she wasn’t vomiting, she was spitting. 

I made some small talk to assess the situation:
Me:  So, flying makes you sick?
TBG:  No, I’ve been really sick for the past couple of days, just throwing up all the itme.

I did not reply to this statement, but the woman in the window seat looked at me and we both realized that we were undoubtedly going to catch whatever rare infectious disease she had contracted. 

After about 4 hours and 45 minutes of having front row seats to a puke-a-thon, we landed in Phoenix.  In hindsight, I probably should have taken the middle seat, I guess it depends on how sick I get.

7 thoughts on “Horrible Plane Experience

  1. Sitting in the middle seat for 5 hours is nearly as bad as sitting next to a woman puking for 5 hours. In the middle seat, I have to basically sit with my arms and legs crossed the entire time so I am not constantly rubbing next to some dude. But yes, I probably could be classified as an a-hole.


  2. Imagine Dalia, 14 years from now. Flying home from somewhere with Jaclyn, and so badly wanting to sit next to her mommy because she is sick, and this man sitting next to her is being a meanie and makes her sit alone… suck it up robbie! still love ya!


  3. in all fairness, think about this: the girl could have switched seats with either person next to her mom and those people could have taken the middle seat next to Rob.i’m thinking that rob is one of 3 a-holes in this scenario, which makes me think that maybe he’s not so much of an a-hole.and I also still love you. I mean really love you. really. like a lot.


  4. A couple things, what kind of mother would book a flight and not have her daughter in a seat right next to her? What kind of mother puts a sick kid on a plane so everyone gets the Teddy Bear Swine Flu. Isn’t this why they have buses? Lastly the flight attendent given the situation should have worked to get the seating arrangement resolved before the pukefest really kicked into high gear. Write the CEO of the airline about sickos being allows to fly tell him it was your worst flight experience yet. Do you think they were democrats? It sounds like Nancy Pelosi, was the mother wearing a large pearl necklace?


  5. Completely agree. There were 3 other people who could have switched seats and I would have never let Dalia board a plane on her death bed. I was the victim here!


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