Dislikes




I have been in a two week lethargic & grumpy state, but finally feel recharged. Before I transition to complete happiness, here’s a bunch of things that have annoyed me lately:

1. Our work has installed motion sensor activated bathroom appliances such as a motion activated toilet, urinal, sink, soap dispenser, and paper towel dispenser. I put my two hands out under the paper towel dispenser to activate the machine and dispense a paper towel…which seldom happens. Of course, I always end up looking like a lunatic trying to use The Force or cast a spell as I wave my hands under the machine and nothing happens. I pull my hands back and thrust them under the machine again and wiggle my fingers….nothing. Eventually, I have to use the manual knob on the side to get the paper.

2. I am sick of people talking about the Apocalypse. There’s talk about the world coming to an end in 2012 with Nostradamus’ prediction and now there’s a group of idiots who say it will happen on May 21, 2011. There should be some sort of penalty to claiming apocalypse incorrectly. Like, you can’t go around telling people that you will die today and not assume some consequence. I think May 22, should be a designated day for beating the crap out of the people who incorrectly predicted the apocalypse. I wonder what things would be like today if the world really did believe that the apocalypse would happen next month? I would go to work less, but so would everyone else which would mean that I couldn’t go to baseball games, fly to some exotic locations, or get gas for my car, there would probably be an abundance of fire and a lot of good discussion. I would want to take my family where I proposed to Jaclyn, that’s a nice spot and we could go fishing too.

3. Kind felt like I was having a heart attack the other day, but then realized the pain was on my right side and my heart is on the left.

4. I wish hotels made tooth brushes and tooth paste standard, you get moisturizer, shampoo, conditioner, and a shower cap, hook a brother up with a tooth brush & tooth paste. Most hotels will give you one though if you ask the front desk.

5. My car is bordering embarrassing, many dents and makes a raspy noise often. The worst thing about my car is that my kids are getting too big to be in car seats in the back of a coup…boy things have changed since I bought that car, but I hope Black Betty can endure a couple more years. The kids will transition to booster seats which will give them more room and hopefully won’t compromise their safety!







Checking In


Things are good right now. We finally hired someone to join my launch team and now work is more manageable.

Winston and Dalia are looking forward to the egg hunt this Saturday for Easter. I wonder if the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus ever argue about their gift giving methodology, Santa is ultra accommodating, lands on your roof, squeezes down the chimney, and places your gifts perfectly under the tree. The Easter bunny hides candy(food) in all kinds of random places, often outside, and makes kids roam all over to find it. To each his own, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus both probably agree that the Tooth Fairy is weird.

Next weekend we have A-Day at Del Val on Saturday. You should come too, we’ll also be having a barbeque afterwards, you’re welcome to come. If possible, we’ll try to hit up Shad Fest on Sunday.

The following weekend we’re heading to DC, I want to see Ford’s Theater, but probably not a kid friendly place/tour. We watched the whole Civil War documentary and I’m very interested in the Lincoln assassination, seems unbelieveable that a bunch of inept clowns were able to murder our president and nearly take down the Vice President and Secretary of State. I would love to see the theater and the boarding house across the street where Lincoln ultimately died. Did you know Lincoln had a dream about the whole thing just a couple nights before he died? Here’s what Lincoln recalled from the dream:

“About ten days ago, I retired very late. I had been up waiting for important dispatches from the front. I could not have been long in bed when I fell into a slumber, for I was weary. I soon began to dream. There seemed to be a death-like stillness about me. Then I heard subdued sobs, as if a number of people were weeping. I thought I left my bed and wandered downstairs. There the silence was broken by the same pitiful sobbing, but the mourners were invisible. I went from room to room; no living person was in sight, but the same mournful sounds of distress met me as I passed along. I saw light in all the rooms; every object was familiar to me; but where were all the people who were grieving as if their hearts would break? I was puzzled and alarmed. What could be the meaning of all this? Determined to find the cause of a state of things so mysterious and so shocking, I kept on until I arrived at the East Room, which I entered. There I met with a sickening surprise. Before me was a catafalque, on which rested a corpse wrapped in funeral vestments. Around it were stationed soldiers who were acting as guards; and there was a throng of people, gazing mournfully upon the corpse, whose face was covered, others weeping pitifully. ‘Who is dead in the White House?’ I demanded of one of the soldiers, ‘The President,’ was his answer; ‘he was killed by an assassin.’ Then came a loud burst of grief from the crowd, which woke me from my dream. I slept no more that night; and although it was only a dream, I have been strangely annoyed by it ever since.”

Jac’s aiming to get the invites to her party out soon, but save the date, it is May 21.

June 13-17, we’ll be in Colorado for a vacation.

Lots of fun ahead.


Hair Talk


Winston, Dalia, and I were walking through Target. Winston was in the shopping cart’s main cargo area and Dalia was sitting in the seat up front. Winston stood up as the cart was in motion to reach for something on the shelf, lost his balance and nearly fell from the cart. I scolded him for standing up in a moving cart, explained the possible repercussions and concluded, “You guys are maniacs, no wonder my hair is turning gray and falling out.” Winston asked why hair falls out. I explained that as you get older, hair turns gray and begins to fall out, it is something that just happens when you get old. Winston said, “I can’t wait for my hair to fall out.”

When you’re in your twenties, you do all kinds of stupid stuff that can put hair on your chest. In your thirties you deal with all kinds of stuff that makes your hair fall out. I wonder if any correlation exists between the hair on your chest and the hair loss that follows?

Winston looked at his hands on our way to a garden center and said, “Hair is growing on my hands!” Jaclyn responded, “That means you’re turning into a man.” Winston was very pleased, he even explained his metamorphosis to strangers in the garden center.

One last things, bad things happen in 3’s, what increment do good things happen in. I suspect it is whatever we choose.



Gators etc.


I’m in Orlando, Florida for a national sales meeting. Most of the time we’re in meetings and presenting stuff, but on Wednesday afternoon they let us outside in search of adventure. Some people chose to swim with dolphins, others did Universal Studios or Disney World, RKDeem chose an airboat ride through the swamps in hopes to find some gator.

Let me tell you, airboats are freaking awesome. The driver said he had us going about 40 MPH, which feels damn fast on a boat, in particular when you’re in a swamp with giant heron, egret, and cows wading in the water inches away from you. Yes, I said cows, apparently Florida is big cattle country and you see those enormous animals everywhere, including knee deep in gator infested swamps. The boat soars through the water, flying by all kinds of primitive wild life, but the absolute best thing about the airboat is in the turns. Normal boats would never be able to make a 90 degree turn at 40 miles per hour, airboats can and when they do, it is like a world class amusement park ride. Turns are a critical part of the adventure too, because we were on a windy creek and if the turn wasn’t executed properly, we would have slammed into the bank, good lord it was excited. We also saw a bald eagle perched on top of a telephone pole and then he circled above us for awhile. Oh, I almost forgot, we saw about a dozen gators lurking during our ride. The captain would release the throttle and let the boat lurch up to a sun bathing gator and the reptile just calmly gives off a menacing stare. The captain would often provide commentary such as, “he aint dat big, but big nuff to take yo arm off” or “ohh dat a big one, probably 12 feet long”. Can’t say it enough, get yourself on an airboat someday.

I am also happy to report that I won an award last night from my company, it is a good thing and something I was really hoping to win. Very happy to be at a good company who let’s me do my thing and recognizes me when it goes well. The cool thing about the award is that we get to go on a nice trip and Jacalope gets to come too. She’s a big part to any success I have and I’m excited to share the reward with her!