Funny Stuff

A joke forwarded from my father:

Ed came home late one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.  He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, ‘You died in your sleep, Ed.’

Ed was stunned. ‘I’m dead?  No, I can’t be!  I’ve got too much to live for.  Send me back!’

St. Peter said, ‘I’m sorry, but there’s only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.’

Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home….

The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. ‘So, you’re the new hen, huh?  How’s your first day here?’

‘Not bad,’ replied Ed the hen, ‘but I have this strange feeling inside.  Like I’m gonna explode!’

‘You’re ovulating,’ explained the rooster.  ‘Don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before?’

NEVER,’ said Ed.

‘Well, just relax and let it happen,’ says the rooster.  ‘It’s no big deal.’

He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!

He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood.

He soon laid another egg — his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard……

“Ed, WAKE UP!  You just shit in the bed!”

________________________________________________________

And now a news story about a marten:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110608/ap_on_fe_st/us_dead_weasel_assault


HOQUIAM, Wash. – Police say a man was carrying a dead weasel when he burst into an apartment and assaulted a man in Washington state.


The victim asked, “Why are you carrying a weasel?” Police said the attacker answered, “It’s not a weasel, it’s a marten,” then punched him in the nose and fled.


The attacker was apparently looking for his girlfriend and had gone to her former boyfriend’s apartment Monday where the victim was a guest.


KXRO reports he left the carcass behind.


Police later found the 33-year-old Hoquiam man arguing with his girlfriend at another location and arrested him after a fight.


He said he had found the marten dead near Hoquiam, but police don’t know why he carried it with him.


A marten is a member of the weasel family.


___________________________________________________________________
And now a couple videos:
A guy with way too much time on his hands singing Will Smith songs acapella:

And a video of the Deem family crabbing:




24 thoughts on “Funny Stuff

  1. I love all four items here. 1. Funny joke, especially because it was easy to picture Ed and Rose in bed together. I often picture them in bed.B. I love a good story about mentally insane people. It makes me feel better about myself.Third. I am now a huge Matt Mulholland fan. Probably the biggest.IV. The clip of your fam was good, but then just when you think it’s over, Jac throws a hailmary joke when you’re least expecting it. “They’re CRABBY!” Love it!

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