Curve Of The Father


As our kids get a little older, I see that I’m beginning to apply more pressure on them and ask for greater accountability. I think there’s probably some algorithm out there, the curve of the father. At first, when a father is first introduced to the baby, the kid can scream, crap his pants, spill his food, and stay up at all hours and the dad won’t say a thing. As the kid enters the late toddler/elementary school years, the father begins to apply more pressure to behave properly and treat teachers and adults with respect, at the height of the curve is highschool, where dads need to put pressure on their kids for sleeping too long, eating all the food, doing their chores, staying out too late, not doing well in school, behaving badly, and I’m sure many other things. After highschool, the pressure will gradually decrease over time, until the dad only needs to give you a couple pointers on home repair or career advice. Maybe it is less of a curve of a father and more of the curve of a kid.

I went to the Hair Cuttery last Friday, when the woman finished cutting my hair, she walked to the front of me, bent down and looked close at my face, then stepped back and asked if I wanted her to trim my eyebrows. I almost asked, “Do they need trimming?”, but then I imagined myself a month down the road looking at my eyebrows in the bathroom mirror with disgust as they are growing back in and I have to pluck them to avoid looking awkward…”No, no, nope, no need for an eyebrow trim, I’m good for now, I don’t want to go down that path.” She could tell she hit some weird nerve, so she quickly dusted me off and sent me out.

Our cable was switched to Comcast yesterday, can’t wait to cancel it a year from now when they jack up the rates for no reason.




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