Winston + Popcorn Seed = Trip To Hospital

Jaclyn finally got some reprieve from the kids and me, on Saturday night she was going to a bachelorette party with some girlfriends. I was in charge of watching the kids which I usually interpret as feeding them with mindless distractions to keep them occupied and minimize how much “watching” I need to do. A couple guys from the gang came over to hang out and have some beers and watch one of my all-time favorite movies, Step Brothers. I set the kids up with some popcorn in the upstairs office and put on the movie Horton Hears A Who.

After about 15 minutes and one Coors Light, I went upstairs to make sure the kids were good and ready for bed. As I walked up the stairs, Winston intercepted me in the hallway with a brief but complex question, “How do you get a popcorn seed out of your ear?”

My mind immediately established that it had no good answer to the question. I asked, “Do you have a popcorn seed in your ear?” Winston looked at me with the reality of the situation kind of sinking in and responded, “Yes…but how do I get it out?”

I did what any good father would do, I Googled “remove popcorn seed from ear”. Google offered that this was a problem that a parent should not try to solve as worsening the issue is the most common result. Google also said to take the child to the doctor quickly as swelling can begin and complicate the extraction. I told the gang that there’s a seed in my son’s ear and I need to leave for the hospital, I am sure my friends immediately questioned my parenting prowess. The Edman took a photo of the popcorn seed with his iPhone.

Here’s a side story. Awhile back, when I was a self-employed consultant, Dalia was born at the Doylestown Hospital. My health insurance was super expensive and super crappy, Dalia’s delivery at the hospital ended up costing us thousands of dollars which I paid promptly, but we had neighbors who said they just told the hospital they were broke and got out of paying tons of money when they had to go to the emergency room. I remember being disgruntled by my neighbor’s lack of willingness to contribute to the system that they benefited from, I wondered if I was an idiot for paying super expensive health insurance (COBRA), getting super high deductibles/copayments, and then paying it all promptly while my neighbors were just not paying anything. I am happy that the Affordable Care Act was passed so everyone will be required to contribute to the system, as deadbeats annoy me.

Anyways, we got to the Doylestown Hospital around 9PM and the staff was pleasant and got us into an exam room quickly. A nurse had some special tools which seemed to be designed for this precise occasion and extracted the seed within minutes. I was so impressed by the cleanliness of the hospital, the staff, the upbeat attitude, and overall quality of care, it made me proud that I paid the insurance + hospital bills for Dalia’s birth, because that is a great hospital.

The Edman is getting married soon and I went to pick him out a gift on his registry. I have concluded that registries are crap, 99% of the stuff listed on them are totally for the girl. Here’s what you see on every registry: plates, silverware, glasses, bed stuff, vacuum, more bed stuff, and more kitchen stuff. Here’s what I would put on my registry if I was getting married: kegarator, Phillies tickets, Yogi Berra signed baseball with the saying “It Aint Over Till Its Over” written on it, Call of Duty for the XBOX 360, large Rebel Popper fishing lure, Greg Luzinski rookie card, keg for the kegarator, a nice bottle of tequila, two Miller Light pint glasses, a shot glass shaped like a boot, and one of those lampshade shaped hats that Asian farmers wear.

I waited to tell Jaclyn about the popcorn seed incident until she returned home, she asked why Winston put the seed in his ear, again my mind immediately established that it had no good answer to the question, other than he’s my son.

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