Pee Wee

Growing up, I was an enormous fan of Pee Wee Herman. As a grown man, I still quote from his movie, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. I watched his show, I watched his movies, he really cracked me up.

One day in college at Bloomsburg University, there was a huge block party at the Sesame Street Apartments (since been demolished). It was a crazy party and I vaguely remember as the day progressed into night, furniture being piled up and being lit on fire, culminating in a good ol’ fashioned riot. This is not a story about the riot though, this is much, much earlier in the afternoon as I was seated on a little patch of grass, no doubt sipping on a Keystone Light beer in a bottle, enjoying the sun as the afternoon unfolded.

My friends and I were just relaxing when all of the sudden, like a mirage, a man dressed exactly as Pee Wee Herman walks right into the neighborhood, completely alone, not accompanied by friends. It was magnificent, I mean, he had the outfit, the haircut, even the pale complexion, for all I know, it was the real Pee Wee Herman. I jumped up, pointed at him like a sailor at sea seeing land for the first time in years, “Look, look, it is Pee Wee Herman!” Not surprisingly, no one in my group of friends shared the same level of enthusiasm, but it did not dampen my enthusiasm. I grabbed a cold Keystone Light, called out to him, “Hey Pee Wee, it is amazing to see you, would you like a beer?”

Pee Wee sauntered over to my spot on the grass, man, he even walked liked Pee Wee. He flashed a smile, nodded appreciatively, and received the beer from me. At this very instant, I felt remarkable. This wedged a tiny opening into a world of possibilities where me and Pee Wee Herman could be friends. I began to imagine the all the amazing angles of having Pee Wee Herman as a best friend when all of the sudden, Pee Wee did something crazy.

Pee Wee twisted off the metal cap of the beer bottle, reared back like Nolan Ryan pitching his famous fastball, and threw that bottle cap as hard as possible at a young lady’s head about 3 feet away from him. The woman screamed, Pee Wee did a perfect Pee Wee laugh, and walked away.

Goodness gracious, I went from hero to zero in an instant. I went from the man who got hysterical Pee Wee to join our group to the man who got unpredictably violent Pee Wee to join our group. The woman was okay, no cuts and fortunately it didn’t hit her eye, but nonetheless, she was not happy with me.

I guess this could have two possible lessons:

  1. Don’t ever, ever, trust Pee Wee Herman
  2. Perhaps, we should all consider what we “like”, “share”, and “follow” and be careful it does not lead to harm, because you don’t want to be the person who endorsed it

In any case, I want to make it clear that I had no involvement in the riots and have always did all that was possible to reduce the likelihood of police involvement of my activities. The riots were always instigated by dumb drunks, protesting nothing, who had false confidence that they could stand up to authority and were always crying when they were taken away in handcuffs.

With that being said, I have a lot to blog about and hope to get back into the swing of things over the next couple of weeks. Did you know Pee Wee Herman was in the original Blues Brothers movie as a waiter?

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